Living to only my expectations

Yesterday, my husband's ex wife called him and told him she wanted their daughter to come live with her. Not their son, but just the girl. He quoted her as saying "She needs her mother right now."
It's hard for me to relate. She's not made an effort to see the kids unless it's a scheduled holiday or we are making a trip close to where she lives. She told the kids when she left this weekend that she's going to try to start visiting at least once a month.
The anger that was inside of me is almost gone. I was taking it personally that she should expect us to just let our daughter go live with her. I read some articles last night on the best ways to handle ex's and I realized that I was expecting her to work as hard at being a mother as I do. In realizing this, I've found peace in knowing a few things. Some women shouldn't be moms. Period. They are too self absorbed and focus only on their own wants. Sometimes this behavior isn't intentional, it is just simply how they are. I also learned that we all make decisions we have to live with for the rest of our lives. Some of the decisions others make effect us. I'm learning to realize when and if changing a situation is within my power.
When the idea of my little girl being taken came up, I was furious. But, then I remembered how much joy she brings into my life and understand now that her own mother doesn't get to see that. But, on the same token, she made choices to let the children live with my husband and the courts agreed that it was a good idea. I went into freak out mode and that does no one any good. Hubby and I had a very logical and honest talk about it last night. We both want what is best for all three of our kids. As parents, we are committed to making their lives the best it can be. When another situation arises that we feel would suit them better, we will consider changing where we are. Until then, we'll continue to be the best parents we can and be there for our children when they hurt.
I'm not allowing myself to get wrapped up in the what if's and maybes. There's no sense in it and I can live without the drama the fear causes. That's one of the biggest lessons I learned from the article. Be the best parent you can be without trying to replace the parent that is not a constant in the kids' lives. I want to be the best wife to my husband and the best caretaker I can of the children. All three of them. Not just mine, but I am going to start focusing on my actions and behaviors and not take into consideration how much or how little the other parents involved put into their lives.
It's so hard because I can go on and on about how it's not fair. To do this would be futile, though, as I can't alter another person's behavior with words. People don't change until they have decided there is something inside of them they want to be different. Anything I tell either of the ex's that are also biologically involved is not going to be taken seriously, just defended and thus begins the cycle all over again.
I'm going to make a real effort to be nice to his ex. Not that she deserves it, but because my children need to see me respecting her. I expect them to respect her and I should do the same thing. It's a hard part of the growing up stage that I'm in, but it's one that I'm sure will make me a better person.
I pray nightly for our children's happiness. I'm learning that knowledge is power and the more I learn, the more respected and confident I feel. I want to be the best Mom, Step-Mom and Wife that I can be. When I'm being all I can be in those situations, it spills over into other parts of my life. Work seems to go by easier and school isn't such a pain in the butt.
I finally see who I want to be and now it's up to me to get there. I've set the bar high, but know that with the help of my family and friends, I'll achieve this goal. I'll need plenty of strength and patience, which are absent a lot in my life, but know that this journey will make me a better person.