Saturday, January 19, 2013


A positive attitude is not natural to me. I must remind myself daily that I am blessed and force myself not to focus on the heavy thoughts that constantly bombard my mind. Someone once said that demons were all around and I thought they were crazy. I dismissed the thought as insanity and laughed at the thought. I was miserable on the inside and used my time to explain how others were so much worse than I was. Never did I realize the demons were ruling where my mind wandered.

I am proud of the accomplishments of my life. I realize the moments in my life that changed everything came when I ignored the negative and dug deep inside to find courage to do something the voices said I couldn't do. I constantly listen to sermons and force myself to seek positive influences in my life. Being positive and focusing on the blessings I have in my life.

I tell my children constantly that for every positive there is a negative. Since losing my father and forcing myself to not run from responsibility has opened my eyes to a whole new sense of pride. I am learning that the negative for all the positive in my life is the lack of laziness in my life currently.

True happiness is a sense of pride in knowing you have done the right thing. Not making excuses for the lack of action or intent.

There are people in my life who have let me down. Hard. Dropped me and felt no remorse due to the darkness inside of them. They taught me the problems of the world are not my responsibility and my actions do not have to be accounted for if there is an excuse.

I am tired of the excuses. Life is hard and I know there will be times that I'm not as positive as I should be, but I look forward to the challenge of being the woman I dream to be. I find strength in the people who have chosen to stand by me. I mourn the loss of those who don't embrace my new outlook. Some have given up on me and ignore my existence. Through the pain, I will be stronger. 

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