Insecurity

I know that the people in my life love me. I know that my mind twists things and is very selfish. As I was just informed, I'm "Cold Hearted". The hard part for me to accept, is that is true. It's not something I intentionally choose to be, it just seems to sort of happen.

When I hurt people by the things I say or the way I treat them, I don't take responsibility until much later, if at all. I am hateful in ways most people don't even think of. I'm the meanest person I've ever met. Most people find this entertaining, as long as they are not in the line of fire.

The hard part to deal with is that I don't mean to be selfish. I don't set out to hurt other people, it just seems to work out that way. I force myself to be the center of attention at all cost. I insist on gaining reassurance and sympathy without taking any blame for the situation.

I've always been this way. That much is consistent. I just want to fix it. Don't have a clue how to, though. Working on it. Been in and out of counseling and hope that someday I'll learn how to deal with the irrational insecurities that seem to rule my life.